Raising a child with Down Syndrome

Raising a child with Down syndrome can be a unique journey, and parents often face challenges in the early days of acceptance. With the right care, guidance, and exposure, children with Down syndrome can grow up to achieve remarkable things, just like Madhumati, who has made a name for herself through her extraordinary accomplishments.

Shivaji and Sonali Indalkar, Madhumati’s parents, have nurtured her with the same love and attention they gave to their younger child. From the very beginning, they ensured that Madhumati never felt singled out or different within the family. They provided her with equal opportunities to explore, learn, and enjoy life, allowing her to experience life just like any other child.

Mrunal
October 14, 2025

Boss Naari: How did you first come to know about Madhumati’s condition, and what was that experience like for you as parents?

Sonali: Actually, her father, Shivaji, was away on peacekeeping duty in Africa. He had seen Madhumati only when she was a month old before he left, and at that time we had no idea about her condition.

When I took her for her vaccinations around the age of three months, the doctor suggested that some tests might be needed. Usually, they do not immediately tell the mother that there could be a problem with the child. But somehow, I had an idea. I used to read a lot, and when she was born, looking at her features, I had a faint thought that it could be Down syndrome. However, that moment passed quickly as we got busy caring for the baby.

Later, after running the tests, it was confirmed that she had trisomy 21. Initially, it was obviously a shock. Shivaji did not know about it until he returned from duty, and I told him. It took us about a year to completely come to terms with it. We accepted her immediately, there was never any question about that, but there was a transitional phase where it was difficult to believe that this was happening to us.

Boss Naari: Shivaji, as a father, how was it for you when you first came to know about Madhumati’s condition?

Shivaji: I was away on a peacekeeping mission in Somalia, Africa, and I did not know anything about this. The whole family knew that Madhumati had Down syndrome, but they were not sure how to tell me.

When I returned, it was very difficult for them to find the right way to break the news. I had no idea and was completely unaware of the situation. For about a week, the family kept it to themselves because they could not find the right moment to tell me.

Finally, one day when only Sonali and I were together, she told me. It took me some time to understand what it really meant and how it was going to affect our lives. I went into silent mode for almost a week, just trying to absorb the shock.

After that, I accepted it completely. I told myself, this is what it is, and life must go on. She was our first child, and we decided we would treat her just like any other child. From that moment, there was no looking back.

We believed that if we treated her as a special or different child, she might feel more limited in her abilities. So, we chose to raise her as normally as possible. That approach has really paid off because she has grown into such a confident and capable person. Today, we are very happy with the way she has turned out.

Shivaji holding baby Madhumati.

Boss Naari: How was it raising Madhumati during her early years?

Sonali: See, actually I think the best thing that could have happened to us was that we were in a different setup, a naval setup. Madhumati’s father was in the Navy. So, you might say it was an unconventional environment. You have a lot of facilities; you are not constrained by a particular community, neighbourhood, or place.

We were in Mumbai at that time and it was a vibrant life. We had a good social circle and the naval community, I must give them credit, was very helpful during her early years. They were friendly and open. She was exposed to three different languages, Marathi, Hindi, and English, and to a cosmopolitan atmosphere. That greatly helped us deal with her condition, which was a crucial stage in her development.

She also went to a normal school there. The naval wives ran a school for young children up to four or five years of age, so she happily attended that. It was a very good social setup, which is very important in the early years of any child, whether the child is specially abled or not. We had a good time, and she truly benefited from that environment and the people who helped us adjust faster and better.

Mother and daughter looking beautiful in traditional sarees.

Boss Naari: How was it like raising two kids, giving Madhumati the special attention she needed while also ensuring both your children grew together?

Sonali: Madhumati is elder to her younger brother, Varoon. From the very beginning, we decided we were not going to give her any special attention or mark her out as someone different. Of course, kids are intelligent, they understand things on their own. Varoon, right from the start, was very protective and supportive of her.

This happened naturally. We never had to tell him, “Varoon, take care of Madhumati,” or “pay attention to her.” They just grew up together, effortlessly, I feel. She being the elder one and he the younger, they were always close. Mentally, they were on the same level in many ways, and they shared most of their time together.

I must give credit to our extended family too. Her cousin sister, Priyadarshini, and other cousins, we are a close-knit, almost joint family. With everyone’s support, it became easy for us to raise both kids together.

Shivaji: In fact, once it so happened that Varoon and Madhumati were in the same class in Ooty. She was attending a normal school and since there was no special school there, both of them went to the same lower KG class. The teachers accepted her as one of their students, and that kind of flexibility was always there in the defence setup.

Madhumati with her baby brother.

Boss Naari: Were there any moments when Madhumati surprised you with her abilities, maybe in hobbies, sports, or other activities?

Sonali: Oh yes, definitely. Her first three years were spent in Vishakhapatnam, which is a naval base. She used to go to a school called Tiny Tots. She was just about two and a half to three years old.

I remember she was asked to beat the drum for the kids marching in a school event because she had a natural sense of rhythm. Her memory for songs and nursery rhymes was amazing. Even though she could not vocalize clearly, she remembered them all. Her teachers recognized that she had a special ability for music and rhythm, and that amazed us.

We also noticed how she responded to songs on TV. She has what you could call a photographic memory for dance steps. She never forgets them. That really stood out to us even then.

Madhumati dancing to the rhythm.

Boss Naari: How did she begin training for sports, and how did you help her prepare for competitions like the Special Olympics?

Shivaji: As far as games were concerned, we introduced her to almost everything, swimming, boxing, cricket, you name it. When her school informed us about the Special Olympics selections, they told us to help her focus on one sport.

We tried badminton and basketball, and then I came to know about bocce from her school. I did not know much about it, but they said it would be part of the Olympics. Since it is an individual skill-based game, I thought it might suit her. She picked it up very quickly. Once she understood the rules, she became really good at it, she knew exactly how and where to place the ball. That is how she was selected and eventually represented India at the Special Olympics.

Shivaji and Madhumati working together on the farm.

Boss Naari: As parents, how did you feel when Madhumati came home with a silver medal?

Shivaji: Oh, it was fantastic. I can still visualize that moment, around 500 to 600 parents were waiting at the Mumbai airport. The kids were arriving one group at a time with their coaches.

I waited for almost 30 to 35 minutes, and then finally, I saw her coming out with her coach and teammates, two boys and two girls. She spotted me immediately in the crowd, and I still remember how proudly she showed me her medal right there. It was an unforgettable, emotional moment, pure joy.

Madhumati with her silver medal won at the Special Olympics.

Boss Naari: What were some of the biggest challenges you faced while raising her?

Sonali: When I look back, I do not see them as challenges in the typical sense. Things happened so harmoniously. If I think academically, yes, talking to people or social interaction was difficult for her initially. But she bridged that gap with her natural friendliness and laughter. People responded positively to her warmth.

Another challenge was sending her alone to dance classes, as parents you always worry about safety. So, I used to go with her and take my walk during her class. Like every parent, we faced challenges, but we handled each one naturally, step by step, and with positivity.

Madhumati with her cousin sister.

Boss Naari: What is she like now, especially in her daily routine or hobbies?

Shivaji: She is quite a popular personality in our society. Everyone knows that she is always at the gym sharp at 7:30 a.m. Her presence fills the place with energy. She is confident, she will tell people, “Aunty, now it is my turn” and everyone respects her for that.

She has made many friends there. She even calls the person who manages the gym the captain. People actually look forward to her coming because she lightens up the atmosphere. As a parent, it feels great. She is more regular at the gym than most of us.

Madhumati and Shivaji posing on Independence Day.

Boss Naari: What message would you like to give to parents of specially abled children?

Sonali: The first thing is acceptance. Many parents struggle to accept their child because they worry about what people will think. Society is used to certain appearances and “normal” behaviour. Children with Down syndrome often look a little different, for instance, Madhumati’s oral cavity is small, so her tongue slightly protrudes.

But we accepted that as normal. Once parents accept their child wholeheartedly, others around them do too. If you feel ashamed or try to hide the child, that discomfort shows, and the child feels it.

Parents should ensure their child is well groomed, clean, and dressed nicely, because that makes the child feel confident and respected. Most importantly, be a facilitator, help your child build social relationships and confidence.

Madhumati posing in a Hanbok dress gifted by her brother Varoon.

Boss Naari: Madhumati is very socially intelligent. We’ve noticed how she smiles after an eye contact, or she is facially expressive and reads the room. Whereas many children with Down Syndrome tend to be shy. How did you build that in her?

Shivaji: Right from day one, I used to take her out every morning and evening, before or after work, and make her interact with everyone around. That exposure helped her immensely. She has no stage fright at all. If you tell her to perform in front of a thousand people, she will do it.

Many parents tend to hide their children or avoid taking them out, but we never did that. She has been part of every outing, picnic, and family event. Of course, sometimes people would stare or point, but instead of withdrawing, I would walk up to them and introduce her. That broke the ice both ways, they understood her, and she gained confidence.

Even now, every child in our neighbourhood waves at her, and she waves back. That early exposure helped her become friendly and fearless.