Navigating Motherhood Abroad
Pregnancy and motherhood are often portrayed through a rosy lens, but the reality can be very different, especially for women navigating these experiences in a foreign country. Today, we speak with Malti, who opens up about her journey through pregnancy and raising a child while living in the Netherlands. From adjusting to a new healthcare system and cultural practices to managing the challenges of being a working mother, Malti shares the complexities, joys, and surprises of raising her child abroad.
Boss Naari: Hi, Malti! Thank you for being with us today. First of all, congratulations on becoming a mother! To start, could you share what it was like to be pregnant while living in a foreign country?
Malti: Thank you! I believe it is a subjective thing, as different people value different things. Living in the Netherlands, I’ve appreciated the low pollution and amazing air quality. I was lucky to be pregnant during summer, which made it such a wonderful time to spend outdoors. I also had a chance to go on some amazing trips. Another great perk of being in the Netherlands is the flexibility at work during pregnancy. That took a lot of stress off my shoulders and allowed me to focus on my well-being. I did miss having my close friends and family by my side during such a significant time, but I had some friends here in the Netherlands who were there by my side through it all.
Boss Naari: It’s wonderful to hear that you had such a positive experience. Could you please comment on your experience with the health-care system in the Netherlands?
Malti: The health system is very organised over here, basically there will be a dedicated midwife who does all the preliminary tests that are required depending on which month you are in. There are 12 standard tests that we need to go through which are essential, but one thing that I found to be different from India is that they were not commercial, no one forced me to take any unnecessary additional tests, and everything was communicated clearly so you have an idea of what is going on with your body.
Boss Naari: Interesting. We’d love to hear about the challenges you faced being abroad when your body was undergoing so many changes.
Malti: I did face some challenges during my pregnancy. Honestly, I’m not sure how many of these challenges were due to being abroad. One of the main challenges was that my baby was small, so I had to go for regular check-ups to monitor the umbilical cord. Another issue I had was with food. Being pregnant and working at the same time left me with very little time to cook healthy meals, which made it challenging to maintain a balanced diet.
My baby was born at 2.3 kg, which is considered small by Dutch standards. Even though it would have been fine in India, in the Netherlands, they have strict protocols for small babies. If the baby doesn't reach a certain size by week 40, they induce labor, even if your body isn’t ready. This can lead to complications, like needing a C-section.
Since Indian women are generally more petite, this can be challenging here, as our babies are sometimes deemed smaller than average, even when they’re healthy.
Boss Naari: That's a very interesting insight. It’s something that might not catch your attention unless you’ve actually been through it as a mother. So, thank you for sharing that. And, can you share your experience raising a kid abroad, how has it been different from the way you imagined it?
Malti: Honestly speaking, I never set any expectations or I never imagined that I would raise my kid in a certain way. I am just going with the flow, and it has been really great. Of course, I've heard from other parents that once their child starts crawling or walking, things can get crazy, but that hasn’t been the case for us. Every child is different, so it’s hard to generalise. One thing I’ve noticed here in the Netherlands is that parents aren’t as overprotective of their kids. Toughness is introduced very early on, like for example when it is cold outside, back in India, we wouldn't dare to take the child outside, but here in the Netherlands, parents bundle their kids up in layers and take them out. It is especially needed here because they need to get accustomed to such extreme temperatures.
Boss Naari: Adapting to were you live, right? In terms of that what has been the biggest culture shock to you, How did the cultural approach to parenting differ from what you were used to?
Malti: Becoming a parent is a huge shift. You don't change entirely as a person, but there's definitely a shift. I didn't realize how resilient I could be until I had a child. Even though I was still recovering from pregnancy, I felt that my body could adapt and handle it. Here they treat your body with toughness, and after normal delivery, they send you home within a few hours. In India, after a C-section, you are typically released after three or four days, but here, I was out in one day. That was a bit of a culture shock. They don’t treat you like you are fragile, and it was all about listening to your body and going with the flow, which worked for me.
Regarding raising children, some differences surprised me, like the tradition of taking children out for walks in fresh air. In places like the Nordics, parents take their kids outside, even in the snow, to strengthen their immune systems. It’s a little extreme, but I like the idea that my child is growing to be accustomed to the environment.
Boss Naari: You also mentioned being a working mother, right? How do you manage everything, work, raising a kid, and managing the house?
Malti: Oh, it's tough. But the thing is, I've been in my job for about four and a half years now, so I've sort of found a comfort zone. Honestly, having a supportive husband really helps. When everything was hectic, he was there for me, and last summer, when my parents were around, I could just leave the kid with them. They're super active and great with him so that made things easier for me to focus on work or whatever else I needed to do. But, if you ask me, you do need support to manage everything. Honestly, I think it would be much easier in India. You can hire nannies and other help, and that can make a huge difference.
Boss Naari: Right, even a small help would make all the difference, which brings me to my next question, How do you build a support system for yourself abroad?
Malti: Having a support system is very important, especially if you are in a foreign country. The reality is that we often need help with various aspects of life at different levels. For example, I’ve got some friends in the building who I can count on when I’m sick or need help with food or babysitting. If we’re all unwell, I can always ask someone to help out. It’s that sense of community, you know? Plus, there are apps to hire nannies or get help with household chores when needed. And Facebook groups online turned out to be very helpful with pregnancy and child care. There were many online groups that I was part of, be it of neighbors, college alumni, etc. Since there would be others who went through the same thing as we are, it would be very helpful.
Boss Naari: Digitization helps here, doesn’t it? We know that pregnancy can bring about a lot of physical changes, and it's not just the body—our brains undergo changes as well. Did you notice any of these changes in yourself?
Malti: After delivery, it takes time for your body to adjust. You might be busy with life, thinking everything is fine, but you eventually realize things are different. When I started working out I noticed that my body is not the same anymore, you know. One more thing I noticed personally was a decline in my cognitive abilities. For instance, after the delivery, my sense of time was off, and I lost some attention to detail, which had never been an issue before. I was always the type to check my schedule the night before, making sure I knew what was coming up the next day, but there were times I’d miss meetings or forget things. It’s like my mind wasn’t as sharp anymore. But when it came to my kid, things were different. Without any reading signs, I could tell intuitively when my child was upset or sleepy, which felt almost like a superpower. This deep connection that forms during pregnancy and motherhood. On the emotional side, pregnancy initially brought a lot of emotional ups and downs, but now I feel like I have a stronger sense of emotional regulation.
Boss Naari: Wow, that sounds beautiful. There aren’t many relationships where we built that depth of intuition! Now that you mention emotional regulation, what different emotions did you experience during pregnancy and after. Was there a moment when it all felt overwhelming?
Malti: The most overwhelming moments for me were the first few days after giving birth. Lactation was incredibly difficult, especially with my baby being small and often getting too tired to latch properly. This caused a lot of physical pain and exhaustion. On top of that, recovering from a C-section added another layer of difficulty, as I couldn't move freely. The sleepless nights, the worry about my baby’s health, and the constant need for care made it taxing. But with time, things got easier, and I started to get into a rhythm, though those first weeks were very overwhelming.
Boss Naari: That sounds very hard, Malti. Glad to hear you were able to cope through it. We all know the importance of "me" time in our lives right? How did that change for you?
Malti: Motherhood changes a lot of things, and it’s not like before, but you learn to adjust. Thankfully, my husband is super helpful and I have my in-laws around for a few months, so I’ve managed to get some time for myself. It’s not as much as before, but when the baby sleeps, especially in the first year, you can still make some time for yourself. I also learned to delegate and let go off trying to do everything perfectly. It’s okay if someone else feeds the baby or if things aren't done exactly how I want. The important thing is that my child is safe and cared for. You have to let go off the need for perfection and just focus on keeping your sanity. It's alright if things aren’t perfect, as long as you're happy and your baby’s well.
Boss Naari: What advice would you give to women who may be going through similar struggles or challenges?
Malti: Honestly, don’t be too hard on yourself. Pregnancy and motherhood come with so many changes, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. The medical system can be so different from what you might have expected, but it’s all about finding a balance between embracing what works for you and being open to some traditional practices too. Don’t reject them outright—sometimes the best solution is a mix of modern and cultural approaches. When it comes to lactation, there’s so much pressure to breastfeed exclusively, but remember, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.
During pregnancy, don’t stress about the physical changes. Yes, your body is doing a lot of work, but it’s also bringing new life into the world! Try to enjoy the journey and focus on the little moments that make you happy. Surround yourself with a support system, whether it’s family, friends, or healthcare professionals. It’s not just about physical care—it’s about your mental well-being too. The best advice? Do what feels right, trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to reach out when you need it.
